Update.

Hey guys.
Of course I haven't been posting anything because, as usual, I lack inspiration. I swear it's like my creativity streak flew out the window once I became depressed. On the bright side, I'm okay at the moment. Also I know I didn't bother mentioning this but I finally graduated from high school (thank god, and it was June 6th if you're wondering) and soon will be heading off to college in August. I'm hoping to have a double major in both art and psychology. I'm kind of surprised I am actually showing a little more interest in art like I used to. I think my concentration will be drawing and painting since I kinda have a little experience with drawing and I always wanted to try painting. I also, for some reason, want to major in music and maybe have a minor in communication. I don't know I always wanted to major in music but I also wanted to try something that I most likely might get a career in, which is psychology. As for art, I just wanted to expand my interest, same for music. But the music thing, might be after I become a senior in college or something I don't know. Orientation for me is on July 15th, so I have to make sure I not only remind my dad but also sign up for it (yeah my dumb ass didn't sign up for orientation yet because I have a HUGE procrastination problem )

As for writing---meh. Like I said before, my creativity streak died on me. Like even when I try to be creative it doesn't work. It just doesn't sound good enough. Honestly, I miss the creativity streaks I used to always have, but either way I'm not really an "original" writer. Now these days I don't think I'm good at writing anymore. My writing is becoming unoriginal and crappy :/ As for drawing, well, I decided to give that another shot when college starts. After seeing all those courses, it made me excited about art again, so I just thought "why the hell not?" and that's one of the things I'm majoring in. 

My life in general? It's okay. Although every now and then, I can't help but to spiral down into self-hatred and depression sometimes. I also finally opened up about something I went through as a kid, at least to certain people. I'm not necessarily over it I would say, I just try to bury it in the back of my head again, which kind of works for me for a while. Family wise, things are okay. I kinda feel guilty because I haven't been visiting my god mom like I was suppose to a couple of weeks ago :/ I think she's going to be pissed off at me for it and I wish I actually visited but I'm kinda scared to now because..well..I don't know I'm worried that she'll be really pissed off. Yeah, pathetic I know but unfortunately I'm a fucking wimp, and I don't blame her if she does get mad at me.

I'm finally almost done completing my FASFA and I'm trying to look for a job. It's really hard to get a job unfortunately, at least for me. It's starting to make me feel like giving up but I know I have to keep trying otherwise I won't get anywhere. Ugh, I can't wait to get out of Detroit and go to Saginaw already. Eventually I have to learn how to drive too. Anything else? Well I have a new lover in my life and honestly, she's amazing I love how supportive she is of me and understanding towards me. She's actually the one that made me forget I was even depressed in the first place, even though I fall back into it every now and then. I'm glad that I make her happy as well. It's the best feeling ever when you changed someone in a positive way and helped them some how in their lives. 

I figured since I'm starting fresh in college, I decided that I wanted to change myself, or discover who I am. Find different interests and activities I want to try. Do more activities and be active and stuff. Hell, maybe even transform into the person I always wanted to be, or at least try to. I also want to try things I always wanted to do as a kid like learn to sing, and play more instruments, try fashion design. As corny as that sounds I still kind of want to try these things. Maybe not all in college but somewhere throughout these years I want to try these things. Who knows, maybe I'll end up picking a career or two after learning some things.